I was sure I’d want to write
about it, the cells, the scalpel
the zapping absences
the statistical rarity, that is
til my brain reached out
& touched air
& I wonder
is hospital air more or less
purified than the redlined air
in the bando up in flames
it was a place
to live, breathe hopefully
towards a future coal dust free
was hospital air itemized
on the invoice?
what was the cost
of this birthright
I don’t want
but I remember I was there
I’d love to show you
what’s left of the stash
of silver doodles I dropped
zigzag through the city
the only way I breathe,
walk to look for birds
Note: “I remember, I was there” is from “mood indigo” by Ntozake Shange.

red nesbitt (they/them) is a poet, reluctant social worker, and organizer living on Piscataway lands in so-called Baltimore. Their work has appeared in Dream Pop Press, Poetry Project’s Footnotes and is forthcoming in Protean.