i.
i was a boy until i wasn’t a boy / until you made me sure of it / a small god / we were in the tree / & you showed me / pulled it out of your shorts / & i walked home with urine in my hair /
ii.
so, fine, / so / i learned to dirty my pretty knees / started biting my lip til it bled / a bow in my hair seeing how far / i could spit the lipgloss / off of my mouth / spending all my leftover sunlight / with you & the others / hiding from the hunters we made ourselves into / when we lost / hunched in the marshgrass / eating frozen pizza in the driveway / stealing key limes / sucking them to the rind
iii.
& that time we were running / then: / face to dockwood / skinned my chin / what i thought / was bone deep / & you licked the red off of your palm / & you bent over the side / brought handfuls of dirty water / to pour over my face / the electric salt sting / how my mother made me wash it / twice when i got home /
iv.
remember when your neighbor would throw rocks at the schnauzers / so someone threw a rock through her window / & someone else was dared to try on the shock collar / & all we could do was watch as he convulsed on the pavement / one mississippi / two mississippi / three mississippi / before anyone helped him / you told me i could say shit so i did
v.
so i said it again / when you slipped / breaking your arm on the pool deck / & i saw you cry / your bones / your blood staining the tan tile / like lipstick melting / red in all the little pools / & you asked for your mom / so i lost all fear for you
vi.
in 3rd grade i didn’t flinch when you called me pretty / even though i hadn’t gotten my period like the other girls / you liked / or in fourth grade when / you dared your friend to kiss me / with tongue / even though i had my playclothes on / how you held my arms down / watched /
vii.
& that night i filled my mouth with mud / until it was all i could taste
